Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
