Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
