What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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