I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
there is glitter all over my balls
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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