So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
