and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Michael Bay diarrhea
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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