if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
We need to rekindle our bromance
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
