well you can't waste a boner
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
