u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Someone came in the potted fern
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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