u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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