My nipple is on Facebook.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
