I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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