i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
