Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize