Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
birth control should be required to get into college
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
