Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
