I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Randomize
