What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Randomize
