So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
this is an emotional support booty call
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize