A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
