I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
