Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Randomize
