Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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