i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
