I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize