what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize