I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
