my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
