now i know why i became what i already was.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
