The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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