You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
love makes seman taste better
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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