I never want to see another naked old woman again.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
