nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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