i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
