do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
