we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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