How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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