Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
