my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
