i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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