Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
