just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
In other news, I just burned my penis
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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