i wish there were pregnant emoticons
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
