I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Randomize