The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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