is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize