I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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