hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize