I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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