you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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