my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
