Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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