a search helicopter?!
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
