i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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