There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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