Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
