my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Operation Purity has been aborted
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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