How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize