my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
