textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I supernannyed him into submission
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
