I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Randomize
